First Date Tips

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1. Choose the venue carefully

Don’t choose a loud place where you can hardly hear each other unless you shout. A drink in a quiet bar, or lunch at a nice café maybe ideal.

2. Look good for your first date

Obviously don’t make yourself look like something you are not but wash your hair, iron your clothes and wear a nice outfit and smelling nice would be a good starting point.

3. Be yourself -Let the other person see the real you. You want the person to fall in love with the real version of you and know the good bits and the bad bits. Don’t use the first date to erect a false sense of who you would like to be.

In an attempt to impress, it can be tempting to exaggerate, dress up the truth or just plain lie. Stick with the truth and it will be a lot easier to remember what you said on future dates.

4. Don’t make an instant judgment- First impressions can be misleading and many of us are too quick to rule out few people after a few minutes. Instead spend time on getting to know someone. If you are not sure about someone it may take two or three dates before you can really decide. Try not to be too quick to judge or too fussy or rigid about what you are looking for in a potential partner. Kelly nearly did not end up with her boyfriend as she disliked the shoes he wore to their first date.

5. Don’t rush things- Take time to get to know each other before you get physically or emotionally involved. Become intimate with someone once you have established that you are with someone who you would like to have a relationship with. Sex is a powerful bonder and if you sleep with someone too soon it may blind you to fundamental problems between you too.We all know someone who has a passionate affair only to realise they are waking up with someone they have nothing in common with.

Similarly becoming too emotionally too soon should be advised against. Karen ended a relationship with someone who said “ I love you” after the second date, she says, “ he was creepy and a bit needy when I think about it.”

6. Be kind- The other person may not ring your bell and its not their fault they are not as attractive, funny or sexy as you expected but like you they are trying to find someone to date. Be polite and treat them how you would like to be treated. You may never want to see them again and tell them in a nice way. For instance don’t say as someone one said to a friend of mine “ sorry but you are just too short, I like my men tall.”

7. Good manners at all times- Bad manners will irritate your date so make sure you switch off your phone, try to be on time and be polite to the waiter, and remember to say thank you if the other person is footing the bill.

8. Leave the emotional baggage at home- Please don’t use the date as an opportunity for therapy. If your ex boyfriend was super critical and you were scarred by your favourite dog dropping dead on your seventh birthday plus you are troubled by the fact you have such a huge line of exes. If the relationship continues, you will have ample opportunity to discuss your previous relationships, hang-ups and all your past regrets and mistakes. A first date is like a first interview so do use it as an opportunity to emphasise your best points not your weakest

9. Don’t dominate the conversation-If you do all the talking – especially about yourself – it will give the impression that you aren’t interested in your date. The other person will feel flattered and special if you take the time to listen to them, ask them questions and draw them out.

I’m not suggesting that you don’t talk about yourself. It is important that the other person has a chance to learn about you, but try and make sure that you are listening as much – or more – than you are talking.

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