Valentine’s Day Musings

valentineBy Alice Carter Jones

It’s pretty clear even to the dim witted that Valentine’s Day was not created for the singletons amongst us. It was especially not created for the somewhat cynical, bitter crowd (aka: me). Even the launch date of this particular day leaves me feeling somewhat frustrated and scorned. Mid-February is not a great month for many people; we’ve only just got over New Year’s Eve which has left us with killer hangovers and abandoned New Year’s resolutions. We are then forced to face the garishly red Valentine’s day advertising massacre, reminding us once again that this is the year we were supposed to find a boyfriend and spend V day in a dizzy state of new found love, coyly holding hands and presenting each other with pathetic commercialised teddies holding hearts that say ‘I’m yours’, or ‘Be mine’: both equally embarrassing. Clearly the freak you kissed while experiencing the shameful New Year’s ‘I’ve got to kiss someone!!’ dilemma, isn’t going to call. It’s not that you really liked him or anything. Then the romance with the hot guy from work has not transformed into red roses and dinner plans.
However, this is only the start of what makes V day oh so tragic. Picture the scene: It’s Valentine’s Day. Having already gone through the yearly ritual of feeling disappointed by my severe lack of cards/flowers/heart shape soft toys from imaginary secret admirer’s, I’m sitting on the tube re-reading old text messages in order to avoid awkward eye contact with my fellow travellers. Eye contact is especially off limits on this day as any kind of accidental eyeing up might initiate unwanted flirtation with unattractive travellers, eyes must be firmly cast down in manner of a shy blushing bride. Even when I did let my eyes flicker upwards hoping for some tantalizing eye candy, all my eyes met with was a filthy tramp couple who were drunk out of their minds and spent the entire thirty minute journey in a grotesque lip lock, complete with squelchy kissing sounds and hand fumbling. When you are faced with this, you can only question what you are doing wrong in your quest to find the one. Have you wasted too much time online, browsing ‘Cath Kidston’ interiors imagining your future bathroom with your beloved spouse? Or horror of horrors is it that you are just not attractive to the opposite sex? Whatever the reason, I for one will never, ever be that smug obligatory person who updates their Facebook status to, ‘Spending the day with my special guy, so excited for hugs and prezzies!!xoxo’. Ugh, I’d rather spend the day watching tramps snogging on the tube, thanks.

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